I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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