Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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