Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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