I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
