Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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