I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
