I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My friends, they love my intelligence
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
