Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I believe in your delicious
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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