the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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