i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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