Having a random hookup so left but love u
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
