none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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