Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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