Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
