The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
