oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
