This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
