I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
