id be glad to
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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