i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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