My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
