Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
