The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
