youre lurking in front of me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
