I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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