I'm jealous of your bromance
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
