I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
