next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
