of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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