If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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