Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
