So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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