So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
