Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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