I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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