70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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