After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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