arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
