I CAN MOONWALK!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
