Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
