I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
