maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
