I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When are your genitals available?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
