Having a random hookup so left but love u
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
