did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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