I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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