I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
