So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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