Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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