So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
