I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
