Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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