I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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