when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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