"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
